Why does an elephant take a shower?
Because he can't fit in the bathtub!

Why were the two elephants thrown off the beach?
Between them they only had a single pair of trunks.

What do you call a Black head man with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.


How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
"What's a lightbulb?"

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that goes over their heads.

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair black/brown?
Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up. 

Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
Someone left a scratch and win card at the bottom of the pool.


How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.

Why do blondes drive BMW's?
Because they can't spell Ferarri! 

What do you call a blonde sitting on a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A blonde electrician.

Bumper sticker: If you don't like my driving then get off the footpath.

Bumper sticker: Don't upset me.... I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Bumper sticker: Caution: I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Bumper sticker: Do not wash. This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.

Bumper sticker: Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.

Don't steal. The government hates competition. 

He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight what about you?

I said "no" to drinks, but they just wouldn't listen. 

I want to die in my sleep, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in my car.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. 

If it's too loud, you're too old. 

If you don't want to have a hangover, stay drunk, it works for me!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. 

I'm just driving this way to piss you off. 

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Its lonely at the top, now go and die so that you can give me company.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

My karma ran over your dogma. 

Bumper Sticker: No radio. Already stolen. 

Bumper Sticker: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Bumper Sticker: So many pedestrians, so little time. 

Bumper Sticker: This is not an abandoned vehicle, I just drive slow

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special promotional sale this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I dipped my shirt in stain remover now its gone

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling. 

Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one. 


Congratulations! 
You've won one one free game of Tennis!
Look Left...
Look Right...
Look Left...
Look Right...
Look Left...

Sign in a toilet:
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please! 

Sign in a toilet: Employees Must Wash Hands - Someone added "I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself" 

Sing on a condom vending machine: Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber!

Sign in a toilet: Why are you looking up here?
Are you ashamed of it?

Sign in a toilet: Look down the joke is in your hand.


Sign in a toilet:
look up look up
(even higher on the wall)
keep looking up
(on the ceiling)
Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!